1. New Orleans Saints (9-0) (Last week: 1). Bad teams with nothing to lose could pose the greatest threat to an undefeated season. Next up? The Bucs.
2. Indianapolis Colts (9-0) (Last week: 2). Like Apollo Creed at the end of Rocky I, the Colts don’t want a rematch.
3. Cincinnati Bengals (7-2) (Last week: 6). Now that they can beat the good teams, the real challenge is whether they can dominate the bad ones.
4. Minnesota Vikings (8-1) (Last week: 5). What can a good quarterback do for a receiver? This year, Sidney Rice is playing like Jerry. Previously, he was as good as Condoleezza.
5. New England Patriots (6-3) (Last week: 4). Maybe Pats security chief Mark Briggs thought the guy with the camera was Matt Walsh.
6. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-3) (Last week: 3). Maybe Jeff Reed thinks that if he makes a tackle he’ll be arrested for assault.
7. Arizona Cardinals (6-3) (Last week: 9). Undefeated on the road and 2-3 at home, the Cardinals might want to avoid home-field advantage for the playoffs.
8. San Diego Chargers (6-3) (Last week: 10). The fact that L.T.’s wife is pregnant with their first child might cause some to wonder whether she’ll be able to take care of two crying babies.
9. Baltimore Ravens (5-4) (Last week: 13). With two games coming up against the Steelers, a sweep by either team could knock the other one out of the playoffs.
10. Dallas Cowboys (6-3) (Last week: 7). The slow disintegration of the NFC East continues.
11. Houston Texans (5-4) (Last week: 12). Ah, the bye week. A chance to relax, sit back, . . . and watch every other team in your division win their games.
12. Denver Broncos (6-3) (Last week: 8). Two home games in four days (Chargers, Giants) will go a long way toward determining whether Josh McDaniels’ first season in Denver is a success.
13. Philadelphia Eagles (5-4) (Last week: 11). Thanksgiving is coming, which means these birds have been playing like real turkeys. Again.
14. Green Bay Packers (5-4) (Last week: 16). Maybe Charles Woodson should play offensive line.
15. New York Giants (5-4) (Last week: 15). The good news? The Giants didn’t lose for a fifth straight weekend.
16. Atlanta Falcons (5-4) (Last week: 14). The road doesn’t get any easier this weekend against a rested Giants team in New York.
17. Miami Dolphins (4-5) (Last week: 18). Joey Porter should take Kramer’s vow of silence, starting . . . . . now.
18. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-4) (Last week: 20). If the kneel-down by Maurice Jones-Drew had resulted in a missed field goal, the maneuver would have been forever known as “choppin’ wood.”
19. San Francisco 49ers (4-5) (Last week: 21). The 49ers have finally found a quarterback who can consistently complete passes to their players. It’s a shame he’s under contract with the Bears.
20. Carolina Panthers (4-5) (Last week: 22). Another week, another key player lost for the year.
21. New York Jets (4-5) (Last week: 19). Maybe G.M. Mike Tannenbaum and Browns coach Eric Mangini will be working together again next year. In the UFL.
22. Chicago Bears (4-5) (Last week: 17). For a moment on Thursday night, it occurred to me that maybe Jay Cutler is actually trying to get Lovie Smith fired.
23. Tennessee Titans (3-6) (Last week: 25). In the never-ending quest for new revenue streams, the team will now be selling a new commemorative line of foam fingers.
24. Kansas City Chiefs (2-7) (Last week: 27). If the Chiefs aren’t careful, they’ll blow their shot at another top-ten draft pick.
25. Washington Redskins (3-6) (Last week: 28). On the same day the Redskins decided to allow fans to bring signs into FedEx Field, the team gave them a reason to make signs that didn’t include swear words.
26. Buffalo Bills (3-6) (Last week: 23). Why do we have a feeling that at least one of Bud Adams’ middle fingers was intended for T.O.?
27. Seattle Seahawks (3-6) (Last week: 24). Apparently, the meaning of the word “guarantee” has changed dramatically over the past four decades.
28. Oakland Raiders (2-7) (Last week: 26). Guys who run really fast always make for great receivers. And if they’re fast enough, their speed might keep folks from noticing that they can’t catch.
29. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-8) (Last week: 29). If they’d given Josh Freeman the snaps in training camp, they might have more than one win right now.
30. St. Louis Rams (1-8) (Last week: 30). We’ve got a feeling that, in their rematch with the Saints, the Rams will lose by a few more points than five.
31. Detroit Lions (1-8) (Last week: 31). The Vikings let the Lions hang around, and they still found a way to lose by 17.
32. Cleveland Browns (1-8) (Last week: 32). In the end, the fans showed up. And, as usual, the team didn’t.